Don’t ignore your child’s questions, even if it is uncomfortable to answer them. Every one is important to your child.

If your child asks a question, it is because he wants to know the answer. Of course depending on the age of your child, you respond appropriately, but never brush off their question as not being important. The fact that your child asks you a question, shows that he is curious. He has a desire to discover the world he is growing up in and a need to interact with you and you with him. The question is important to your child based upon his current points of reference, or he would not have asked it

He will value your undivided attention so much, which will become evident in later years, when you ask him a question, or need an answer. He will give it to you, because that has always been the way you have treated him. As his father, you lead by example.

It is at a very early age that you should set the ground rules for the quality of communication between you and your children. This will determine what happens throughout their whole childhood. If you get this right, at the start of their lives, it will reap immeasurable benefits for the quality of your relationship together in later years. This will be very evident during their teenage years, when the challenges are very different, and can sometimes seem insurmountable for both of you.

Think of the amount of times you have heard fathers say to their child “ask me later”, or “go and ask your mother”. By doing this, you are sending a subliminal message to your child. ‘I do not have time for you right now’, or ‘I’m not interested in what you want to know’, or even ‘it doesn’t concern me’. Potentially this can be the start of the construction of subconscious barriers to communication with your child, which as he gets older will be very hard to overcome and could lead to serious consequences in later years.

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I have now Published my Book ‘Help I’m a Father’. Please enjoy the read.

Recently I finally published my book on Fatherhood ‘Help I’m a Father’, which has taken one year for the whole project to become reality. I started writing the book last July and it is now available on Amazon as a paperback or on Kindle as an e-book.

Some of what I have been writing on my Blog is in the book, but there is also a lot of brand new material in it. I intend to keep my Blog going as so many of you have been Following it, but it can also serve as a forum for any feedback you may have on the book, which I hope you will all read. The Book and also this Blog are expressions of how important I feel Fathers are to the upbringing of their children, and if they can help just one dad become a better father to his children then my goal is achieved.

If you are thinking that I believe I am the perfect dad, nothing could be further from the truth. I have made many mistakes along the way, you only have to ask my children, but on that journey, I have learnt some strategies and tips which actually work and hopefully by sharing them, I can help another dad avoid the pitfalls and consequences which I had to deal with.

If you do like my book, and I hope you will, please spread the word to others, as my total belief is that it remains vital that fathers are as involved with their children as their mothers are, and I will never stop saying and believing this. A balanced child needs both parents involvement equally, as they both bring many different attributes to the dynamic.

Thank you for supporting my Blog over the last year and I look forward to many more years of Blogging on this subject.

Mark

 

Get involved with your baby right from the start.

One of the most intimate and moving moments of your life will be the arrival of your baby into this world. The sheer magic and awe at being present at the dawning of this new miracle of human life will stay with you for the rest of your life. It will be the most meaningful and emotionally charged event you have ever experienced and yet it will seem to go by ‘in the blink of an eye’.

Before the birth you may have lots of qualms about seeing blood, or seeing your partner in pain and being there in such a highly charged emotional situation, so you may be hesitant initially. The significance of the occasion once your partner goes into labour will make you forget about all those concerns. The more you realise that this is something so life changing and so profound, the more you will want to be there. It will be even more meaningful for you, as you will have been communicating with your baby and touching him through his mother’s tummy for the last six months.

Therefore, I would strongly recommend that you, as a father to be, do everything to make sure that you are there at the birth of your child and witness his arrival into this world.

Hold him as soon as he is born and you will see and feel immediately the intimate and unique bond between you. When you first look into his eyes as his father and reflect that this little being is part of you, it will start immediately. You will never ever forget that moment. It will remain as vivid in your mind for many years into the future, as the day he was born.

Help I’m a Father is now available in paperback on Amazon

I am pleased to advise you that my book ‘Help I’m a Father’ is now available in paperback version, as well as Kindle and e-book formats from Amazon. The links are below:

amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=help+im+a+father                                                                                            or

http://amzn.to/28J0067

I hope you enjoy the read.

From next week my Blog will be back to normal with new posts. Thank you again for your support and if you do buy the book, I hope you enjoy the read and the many tips and anecdotes that are in it.

My Book ‘Help I’m a Father’ has just been Published

As you know, I have been writing a Blog for many months now and I will be continuing it. I really enjoy the interaction I have built up with you all as Followers and I really value the feedback that you give me. But I have also written a book of the same title ‘Help I’m a Father’, which I’m delighted to tell you has just been published.

I decided to self publish it, as I could not get a fair deal from a Publishing company. So it is now available to buy on Amazon Kindle as an e-book. It will be available as a paperback this coming week. If you have enjoyed reading my Blog, there are many more tips and anecdotes in my Book. In fact you can dip in and out of it depending on the specific situation you are in with your children and hopefully it can provide you with some options.

Like in my Blog, I do not claim to have all the answers, or not to have made mistakes along the way with my own children, but the importance of a Father to his children can never be underestimated. An involved and committed Father makes for well balanced and rounded children and that has to be the ultimate goal of all parents.

 

What is the most enjoyable period for you during your child’s growing up years?

When you have your first child, everything is brand new from when she is born to when she leaves home. You experience everything first with your eldest. But if you have more than one child, it is only then that you can then start to evaluate what period of your children’s lives is the most enjoyable for you as a Father.

For me, and many dads I have spoken to, this a very interesting question, as sometimes it appears that your child’s growing up years seem to go by all too quickly. All you can then do is look back and say “that was good”, or “I didn’t particularly like that”, without really appreciating it fully. So when do you really have a chance to look at which part of your child’s development is the most enjoyable experience for you?

You might think the joy of having a new born is the most enjoyable, as everything is new, and you are learning literally, every day. Or when your child becomes a Toddler. He is so sweet, apart from those ‘terrible two’s’ tantrums. But hey, they are not too frequent are they? Or it could be the Primary School years, pre-puberty, when you are the ‘apple of your child’s eye’. Then again is it the Teenage years? Probably not, as your child is changing so much physically and mentally, unless you love to see how she handles these challenges and still remains reasonable.

Then when they finish Secondary School and are officially adults, at least in age. Maybe you can start to discuss rationally with them, now they are going off to University or going out to work. Or is the final stage of childhood the most enjoyable for you, when they leave home, but still need you as an advisor or confidante?

When do you think the best period is then? I think it is actually all of them, each part of their growing up period is different, as each child is and therefore your child will react and respond to you in a different way at whatever stage of his life he is at. So you should make the most of whatever period your child is in and enjoy it to the full with him, even if you have to handle the odd sleepless night, sudden tantrum, or unexpected and unwarranted teenage explosion. Every part of their childhood is enjoyable, but like many things you live through in life, sometimes you don’t always realise it while it is happening.

 

Do your Children long for things they had when they were very young? If so, how can you manage this?

When children reach the teenage years, or even early adulthood, very often they long for things that they had when they were very young. These things give them certainty, particularly during the period of their lives when they are most insecure. As your child sees herself changing both physically and mentally, it can be very difficult for her to manage, so she thinks back to things that have comforted her in the past and which made her feel happy and secure.

These could be things like an old cuddly toy, a blanket, a special chair, or her favourite doll. If it is your son, it could be an old toy car or plane. But whatever it is, you as a Father must resist the temptation to stop her having this comfort item. Of course you won’t do it deliberately, but try to avoid making her feel that she is weak or inadequate in some way, for needing something she had as a Toddler. Remember this gives her certainty during a time when she is at her most vulnerable psychologically and also adapting to her changing physical appearance.

Her childhood is changing, the old times as a little child are becoming more distant, everything is in a state of flux. The nature of her relationship with you and her mother is different now, not to mention those with her friends and potential new boyfriends or if you have a son, girlfriends. So if an old cuddly toy, or special chair, or even an old bed can make your child feel better about herself, don’t discourage it. In fact be really supportive and even actively try to help her find what she is looking for. She will thank you for being so understanding, although, as a teenager, she may not want to admit it quite yet….

Please help me get my book published

Hi to all my Followers, I hope you are enjoying my Blog, I love writing about my experiences with Fatherhood, and hopefully you like hearing about them. I am inspired that so many of you care about the importance of a truly involved Dad.

Since I started my Blog, I have been writing a book which will be called the same title, ‘Help I’m a Father’ and recently I finally finished the manuscript. I am now pitching it to Publishers, and some of them have been very positive about it, and have asked that I try to get my Blog Followers and Viewers up before they agree to publish it.

So I would like to ask you all a favour. Could you please let all your contacts online know about my Blog and encourage them to Follow it and view my posts. I know it may seem like a strange request, but it really would help me to get my book published. If you could share it on your social media pages, it would also really be appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your support.

Mark

 

How do stop your older child from becoming jealous when a new sibling arrives home?

The last thing you want or need when you arrive home with your new baby, is for your older child to become jealous. This will just make it very difficult and stressful, at a time when you and your child’s mother are emotionally and in the case of your partner, physically drained. So what can you do to avoid this and make the arrival of your new family member as seamless as possible?

Before your new baby is born, you should talk to your older child and explain what is going to happen. You will already have told him why ‘mummy’s tummy is growing’, and what will happen when his new sibling arrives. This is something that you, as a father ,can really focus on, as you and your older child are not part of the ‘mummy/baby physical’ relationship.

When it is time to bring your new baby home, make sure you bring a ‘special’ present home with her, specially for her older brother. This present is from his new sister, and will be valued and appreciated hugely by her older sibling. This will serve a few purposes. Firstly it will help prevent any jealousy when she arrives. Secondly, it will be a good distraction for him at times when you need to be focused on your new baby. Finally, it will help your older child to understand that, as his new sister is smaller, sometimes she needs to be looked after before you both can focus on him.

Your older child will remember this small gesture for years into the future, and it will help start the complex sibling relationship off, in your home, on the right foot.

 

How can you stop your children from constantly fighting with each other?

It doesn’t matter whether your children are Toddlers or Teenagers, they will always try to test themselves against their siblings. Finding out who is the strongest, the most dominant and the smartest, is the natural way, and is an integral part of their childhood. As they grow older, until they are adults, they will continue to test themselves against each other. But this can be very tiring on you. So what can you do to lessen the stress?

Throughout your children’s upbringing, you have been able to use distraction, and it has worked on very many occasions to get you out of awkward situations. Whether it was your Toddler sulking, throwing a tantrum or refusing to eat. It will still work, irrespective of how old they are, and is one of the best strategies you can use as a parent. So when they start fighting, this should be your primary weapon against it.

Distracting them could be you telling a silly joke, or suddenly making a really loud noise, but try to resist the urge to start screaming and shouting. What you really need to do is to catch their attention. Break their concentration on what they are doing, so they forget what they were bickering about, in this case fighting. It will soon blow over, calm will be restored and your nerves can relax again…………….until the next time. Don’t we just love our children!