Help Sick and Needy Children with every purchase of my Book ‘Help I’m a Father’. All Royalties are donated to Children’s Charities.

 

‘Make Christmas a time for giving’. It’s a cliché, but now you can achieve it twice over.  ‘Kill two birds with one stone’.

Give a copy of my Book ‘Help I’m a Father’ to any Mum or Dad, it’s full of really useful tips and anecdotes to help any parent manage those day to day situations before they get out of hand. But don’t believe me, check out the feedback from parents who have actually purchased and read the Book. All the full Royalties go to Children’s Charities. This December they will all go to Destination Florida. https://www.destinationflorida.org.uk/

‘Help I’m a Father’ is available through Amazon.

Thank you everybody for your support, and I wish everyone, including all sick and needy children, a very Merry Christmas.

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The Making of a Man https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1717746322

It is nearly six months since I last put a post up on my Blog during which time I have not been idle. I have now published my second Book ‘The Making of a Man’. This Book in some ways, follows on from my first Book ‘Help I’m a Father’ because it covers the, sometimes traumatic period, after childhood, from adolescence to adulthood. A period of a young persons life from around 16/17 years of age, to about 10 years later.

The Book consists of a series of philosophical writings, poetry, prose and a few simple pearls of wisdom, which emphasise the complexity of a young persons life, demonstrate the self doubt and eventually show the way forward with confidence. Here are a few examples of what you will find in the Book, which is available through Amazon.

Please feel free to give me any feedback, It would be very welcome.

Smiling Hope

In times of trouble, when things go wrong,
never forget that your biggest ally
is hope.

Without it you can give up, but with it,
there is always something
to fight for.

Second to hope, is a smile.
You can overcome everything and
everyone with a smile on your face.

With these two attributes,
you will never lose.

The Search for Inspiration

I wanted to write poetry. I couldn’t.
Where was the inspiration?
I looked around me and what did I see?
The people, the animals, they were
giving me nothing to grasp. Why not?
The sun was shining, it was warm,
a faint cry from a distant dog broke the silence.
No one was there, they had all gone.
Retreated into their little holes.

I sat there alone thinking to myself,
what makes these people tick?
They are not like me, or is it perhaps
the other way around. I was enjoying
the sun, the warmth and yet the
stillness disturbed me. I couldn’t explain it.
Again, the distant dog let out a cry.
It seemed to be closer, calling me.
I dismissed it, I thought,
and yet it still lingered.

Then, in the misty haze, I realised I was alone
and the cry had been for me.
Still, there was no one outside as the sun
beat down. I saw the dog, wagging its tail,
it let out another cry, it was calling me.
I jumped up and ran to it.
The closer I came, the less clear the dog became.
I reached out for it, but it wasn’t there.
I looked around, everyone was out,
they were laughing.

I had dreamt the whole thing,
for the sake of inspiration.
I had made a fool of myself for nothing,
still there was no poem.
It was then that I realised it was hopeless.
So, I slept.

The Ultimate Escape

The clouds linger up on the hilltop,
they drift very slightly, yet never stop.

The raindrops attack the troubled lake,
spitting everywhere like an embittered snake.

The silence around me is eerie and yet,
it’s peaceful and calm but making me fret.

The light in the distance seems magic to me,
encased by the trees yet totally free.

Soon darkness will fall, and day become night,
then me like the rest, will begin to take fright.

I’m all right now, I’m back in the car,
I can go, yet the light seems so far.

I leave, I drive, a crash, then I die,
at last I can reach those clouds in the sky.

 

A Father should be prepared to do anything to help his child out of an unexpected situation.

A father can be called upon to help his child out at any time of day or night. This happened unexpectedly to me once with my daughter, who was 10 years old at the time, when I had to play in a mother’s netball match. The plan had been that my wife was playing in the match with all the other children’s mothers. Unfortunately that morning, my wife was unexpectedly unable to play. My daughter was distraught, and was going to be the only girl whose parent was not going to be playing against her. I was due to go to work that day, but saw that she was so upset, I suggested that I would take a days holiday and play in her mother’s place. I had never seen a child so relieved on the one hand and yet overjoyed on the other.

I explained to my daughter that I didn’t even know the rules of netball, but if she could explain them to me in five minutes, then I would have a go. And I did! I made a complete fool out of myself, but my daughter was so proud, it was totally worth it. In fact it was really good fun and to see the joy on my daughter’s face, was simply magical.

During the match, I had to mark my daughter, and she of course, beat me most of the time, in fact all the time. But it was wonderful to experience and be part of such a special occasion. And of course, I was the first father to play in a mother’s netball match in the schools history. So my legacy was sealed! My daughter was not the only person who was proud that day, I was almost as proud as her. It was one of those really special childhood moments, when I knew that I had done something that my daughter would remember for the rest of her life.

She still reminds me today, of what it meant to her. So, as a father, whatever your child needs in an unexpected situation, be prepared to do the necessary. It will be remembered for many years to come and will strengthen still further the special bond between you.

The Stress of a Divorce can make you become a very poor Father. But it doesn’t have to be like that………

It’s strange when we think of the options in our behaviour when we go through stressful situations, like a divorce. We can end up doing things that are plainly wrong and yet we cannot see it, because we are so engrossed in the situation. Nearly always the people who get really damaged, are the children.

Recently I learnt of a situation concerning a couple who were going through quite an acrimonious divorce. Who was at fault is irrelevant, what is important is the behaviour of the parents during the whole process of the divorce proceedings. In particular, the father, which is why I want to talk about it on this Blog.

The wife realised she was first and foremost the mother to her children, and subjugated her position and stance to not involve the children in the situation as much as possible. In other words, she did all she could to protect her children from the acrimony of the divorce proceedings. But the husband undermined this by committing the cardinal sin of using his children as pawns and trying to turn them against their mother. In the short term this succeeded, but in the long term this will cause irreparable damage to his integrity and relationship with his children. But he could not see this.

At every opportunity he ‘bad mouthed’ the mother to the children, and tried to undermine and break up the relationship between them. The mother on the other hand, always remained dignified and did not do the same. This was very selfless and perceptive of the mother, because at all times, she acted in the best interests of the children, even to the point of financial loss to herself. She realised that one day when the children were older and understood the situation fully, they would make up their own minds.

It is at that point in the future, the consequences of the father’s behaviour will really become apparent to the children and to himself. And this is the key message…..

The husband behaved as a very poor father indeed in this instance and showed his true character and colours to his children. Their mother will always be their mother and by trying to undermine her, he has damaged severely his own relationship with his children. Because he became so wrapped up in the divorce proceedings, he could not see that, and therefore he forgot his principal role. Namely to protect his children, as much as possible, from the inevitable emotional trauma that they were going through. He was still their father, and they were not just pawns in the proverbial ‘game of chess’……………………………………………

 

 

You can make Christmas even more magical for your child. A little ingenuity goes a long way, but beware very observant little eyes……

Christmas and New Year is the most magical time of year, and one for the whole family to really enjoy being together. For your children, having Daddy around helping Mummy prepare for Christmas and sharing in the excitement as it builds, will be very special. If you can, try to make sure you always spend Christmas and New Year with your children. You will see, that by always making an effort to be together at this time of year, when they are very young and as they grow older, they will want to continue to spend the Festive period with you. They will come to expect this, and it will always be like that, even when they have their own family unit. The tables might be turned though, and it will be them doing all the work.

Something you could do to make the magic of Father Christmas more realistic, is to dress up on Christmas morning, and very early, run across the lawn (or across a corridor if you live in an apartment) in your outfit. While you do that, your partner can call your child to the window or the door, so he can just manage to catch a glimpse of Father Christmas disappearing round the side of the building. While your child is still looking on in disbelief, you can quickly come inside, get rid of your outfit, join in and share in the amazement. Your child will be convinced he has seen Santa Claus.

Always keep in mind when you decide to do this that your Child is extremely observant. One year I forgot to put boots on, and wore a pair of my everyday shoes. When I got back inside the house all pleased with my little charade, my son asked very ‘matter of factly’ why Father Christmas was wearing my shoes. Fortunately he was still very young, only 2 years old, and I was able to explain it away by saying lots of people had shoes like mine. It wouldn’t have worked if he had been much older.

Please help me raise money for needy and sick Children this Christmas. I give all Royalties from my Book ‘Help I’m a Father’ to Children’s Charities.

We are coming up to Christmas in a few weeks and it is a time to think of and help others. If you are thinking of giving a gift to someone, why not offer a copy of my Book ‘Help I’m a Father’ which is available through Amazon.

Every single Royalty earned is donated to Children’s Charities. Recent beneficiaries have been ‘Destination Florida’ and ‘The Rainbow Trust’. I have been very lucky and privileged in my life, and I think it is important to give something back to society. So every book purchased will generate some Royalties, and then every penny or cent will go to benefit a needy child in some way.

If you haven’t yet purchased your copy, please do, and also spread the word to everyone you know. It would make a great Christmas present for a friend or family member and also, very importantly, a child in need.

Thank you in advance for your help in spreading the word.

You must be a positive Role Model to your Child, if you want to avoid problems in the future……

It is your duty to be the best possible father to your children and to complement their mother. Your role is very different to hers, but is equally as important, so teamwork is key. It is like a football match. If everyone on the team knows what they have to do and plays and supports each other, they have a much better chance of winning. The sum of your individual parts as a father and a mother is greater if you work together, than if you work alone. It takes two parents working closely in unison to bring up children which is why it is so important for you to be fully involved right from the start.

Your child will observe and copy everything you do, all the time. Boys particularly, will observe very closely what you, their father, is doing. Remember you are his idol, particularly when he is very young, so absolutely everything you do matters to him. Your child’s behaviour will reflect the way you are and how you behave on a day to day basis.

If you are always shouting, this will be considered normal behaviour, or if you can’t be bothered about things, your children will simply copy you. So you need to be a strong, positive and good role model for them. “Your children are what you make them”. You must never forget this, it is key to your role as their father. Here is a list, not an exhaustive one by any means, of a few tips to ensure you are a good role model for them.

Work hard at what you do (paid or unpaid).

Be nice to people, even if they irritate you.

Be polite and kind to everyone you meet.

Be tolerant of other people’s differences with you.

Always help others if you are able to.

Never be aggressive, nasty or react violently.

Be a good citizen and respect the laws of the country.

Be a good listener and give your time to people you meet.

If you haven’t got anything nice to say about someone, then don’t say it at all.

 

Does your Toddler need complete silence and darkness to go to sleep? You can avoid the hassles and inconveniences this can bring.

Bedtime can be one of the most challenging and daunting times of the day and really doesn’t have to be difficult. Once you have got your Toddler into bed, don’t close his bedroom door, leave it open. Many children can be afraid of the dark for no reason at all. Therefore, it will be reassuring for him if he wakes up in the middle of the night, and doesn’t feel cut off from the rest of the family. Pitch blackness can be very intimidating and scary for a young child.

In any case, virtually all young children do not need complete darkness to sleep. When they are tired, they will sleep anywhere, even in bright sunlight. How many times have you seen a small child fast asleep in his parent’s arms, in the middle of the day? It can also be a good discipline for later on in life. My theory is that it may well help keep your child with an ‘open’ attitude to you and others, as he grows older. Hopefully it will help avoid him trying to always close himself off in his bedroom when he is a teenager, and distancing himself from the rest of the family. It’s amazing how something as simple and unscientific as this, can help promote good habits, later on in life.  And these habits definitely last in later years.

I always found that our children didn’t need silence to sleep. Young children sleep if they are tired, and if they are not, then they don’t. It can be reassuring for your young child to hear normal family background noise when they go to sleep, so they do not feel cut off at bed time. It also means that your family can continue its normal household (sometimes noisy) routines in the evening. It is very important for your child’s development that he is raised in as normal household environment as possible. It goes without saying that normality is relative, and based on your particular religion and culture

Sometimes a little night light in the background, or even just the bathroom light, particularly when your child is very young, will prevent him becoming afraid of the dark. Because he has this light on, as he grows older, darkness should never become an issue for him.

Have you ever wondered why your child behaves in a particular way? The answer is quite simple…………..

This is a perennial question that every parent asks himself from time to time. How many times have you heard yourself say, “why does he behave like that?”. The answer is of course not always simple and in many cases quite complex, however there is very often an underlying reason, which crops up time and time again.

Your child reflects you totally, particularly in the early years, when you and your partner are his principle sources of reference. Your child is what you make him. If he sees you behave in a specific circumstance, or react to a particular situation, he will interpret this as the appropriate way to respond. And if he sees you do this on multiple occasions, for him, this will become learned behaviour and the correct way to react because he has witnessed you do this.

So, this should make you doubly careful in what you do in front of your child. If you shout in an aggressive manner if something annoys you, he will do the same. If however you respond calmly and in a considered way, he will also do this.

You can stage your own experiment with your own child at home. Create a specific situation in view of your child, together with your partner, and then stage your reaction to it. Do this several times over a couple of days. Then do it again in front of your child and let him react to it before you say anything. You will be amazed by his reaction…………..

All of this to say, that your child will copy you completely, and you need to be his role model. Your child will reflect you and your partner’s behaviour. So you will end up answering your own rhetorical question about why your child behaves like that. Of course once he goes to school and starts mixing regularly with other children his points of reference will widen…………………but you and your partner still remain the key influencer in his life, as of course it should be.

 

Be part of your child’s life even before she is born. Talk to her while she is still in your partners tummy………………

Hearing your voice as well as its mother’s is part of the bonding process. Your unborn child hears its mother’s voice every time she says anything while it is developing inside her, but it is also important that your child hears your voice as often as possible as well. Your baby also needs to feel your touch as you caress her through her mother’s tummy. The amazing journey of fatherhood begins now.

It takes two to make a baby and it definitely takes two to bring one up. The easy part is making it, the hardest and also the most rewarding part, is bringing it up. Getting to the end of the road, if there ever really is an end of the road, is an incredible achievement and a truly satisfying and wonderful experience.

So when it’s time for your baby to be born, you should do your utmost to be present at the birth if at all possible. The three most moving and profound moments of my life were the births of my own children and I am sure it will be the same for you. I can remember each one as if they occurred, as if it was just yesterday. I know very occasionally circumstances can be out of your control and therefore it isn’t possible, but with good planning, you can try to minimise the chance of you missing it.

If you can do this, you will feel you are an integral part of the arrival of your child into this world and that you aren’t a peripheral figure to everything that is going on. Try to hold your baby before the umbilical cord is cut. She will see your face before she sees her mothers. Of course it is not a competition to see who is loved the most, but it is important that the bonding between you and your child is cemented the moment she comes into this world.

It will be the natural progression of the bond which you started developing with her before she was born and it will be one of the foundations of the relationship you will develop with her throughout her entire life.