How important are you as a Role Model for your child?

Sometimes you can forget how important you are as a positive Role Model for your child, and just take this vital part of the Father child dynamic for granted. Your child will observe and copy everything you do, all the time, even if you are not aware he is doing it. Boys particularly will observe very closely what you as their father are doing.

As the joint most important Role Model in your child’s life, you have a huge responsibility to lead by example, however difficult it appears to be at times. The way you behave will be considered as normal and acceptable behaviour by your child. If you are considerate and calm, your child will be. If you are aggressive and loud, you child will also be like that. The question is always, ‘what constitutes a good Role Model for your child’?

Remember at all times, ‘your children are what you make them’. Whatever you are doing or saying you must always keep this in mind. Your child will reflect how you are towards them and others on a day to day basis. The following tips on being a good Role Model are fairly obvious, and certainly not meant as a lecture, but only as an ‘aide memoire’ and is also certainly not an exhaustive list. The goal is simply to help you improve the quality of your child’s life going forward as they pass through childhood.

Work hard at what you do (paid or unpaid)

Be nice to people, even if they irritate you

Be polite and kind to everyone you come across in life

Be tolerant of other people’s differences with you

Always help others if you are able to

Never be aggressive, nasty or react violently

Be a good citizen and respect the laws of the country

Be a good listener and give your time to people you meet

If you haven’t got anything nice to say about someone, then don’t say it at all

They all seem fairly obvious, but in the heat of the moment, we often forget. Your children look to you as their beacon and you must truly lead by example.

 

What can you do to make your Toddler understand that she mustn’t be rude? There is a very effective strategy.

It is normal that your Toddler behaves badly when she doesn’t get her own way, but it can be very frustrating for you and her mother. How often does it appear that she is just winding you both up more and more until you are at breaking point. You just want to shout at her or even smack  her to get her to behave. Of course this might work in the short term, but it won’t be a solution in the long term and will not help her understand that her behaviour is not acceptable.

You might say that if you shouldn’t shout at her, what can you do? It is a little like with a Teenager, withdrawing privileges will often work, particularly if it is something your child really loves. Maybe you go to the park on Saturday afternoons and she is able to go and play on the swings, or you go to the children’s farm once a month where she can see all the animals. This will certainly work, but there is also another strategy which has a more immediate effect and works very well.

Your Toddler will certainly have a favourite cuddly toy, who she always sleeps with and who she loves completely. If she is rude and aggressive with you, or her sibling, you can take away her cuddly toy. You can explain to her that if she behaves like that, her cuddly toy has told you that he doesn’t want to stay in her room. He doesn’t want to spend time with a ‘nasty’ girl, who isn’t nice to people.

She will soon learn that she has to behave properly and after a few occasions of doing this, you will find that her behaviour will change. Of course, then you will have to overcome the next challenge and we all know, there are plenty of them with Toddlers!

Your child only has one chance to make a first impression!

A key social skill that your child needs to learn at a very young age is the ability to make a good first impression. He will only ever have one chance to do this with everyone he meets. So whether it is for an entrance interview to a new school, or a job interview, or meeting a new business contact to seal that important sales contract, first impressions are vital. So how can you help your child to succeed at this?

You can start at a very young age, when he is only a Toddler and encourage him to stop whatever he is doing when someone arrives at your house and go and positively greet them. A firm handshake, whether you have a son or a daughter, will always start the first meeting off in a good way. By stopping what he was doing, shows your visitor that he is important and worth stopping everything to go and say hello to. All your visitors will appreciate this from your child.

When your child greets your guest, encourage him to look the person straight in the eye when he says hello. Many children will look down or away when they first greet someone, so encourage your child to make immediate eye contact. Your child is not inferior to your guest, so being deferential is not needed. Your guest will certainly notice the confidence and warmth of the greeting from your child and will appreciate it. Your child will also feel good about himself and it will help his self confidence.

Not only will this make a good first impression, but it also shows your child has good manners, which will just reinforce the excellent impression that your child has created. This is a very important communication and life skill and will be liked by everyone. It will help make your child a positive and outward going individual, which is a great social skill for him to have as he grows up and moves into adulthood.

First impressions last, and you should make sure your child knows this. He will thank you in later life.

Are you a good Role Model to your Children?

Do you ever forget how observant your children are, as you get wrapped up in the daily chores of managing a family and a home? Of course you do, we all do! But you should still try to be vigilant. You have to be a good Role Model to your child, not a perfect one, after all we are all human, but a good one!

How do you do this you may ask, and actually it is quite simple? You should start by setting your child a good example all the time. Boys particularly look up to their Dad, and copy what you do, after all, you are his idol, and everything you do matters to him. Your child’s behaviour will reflect the way you are and how you behave on a day to day basis.

If you are aggressive and short to everyone around you, and always shouting at people, expect your child to be the same. If you are calm and thoughtful to those around you, then your child will be so too. Remember, your children are what you make them, and are a reflection on the upbringing you give them. You must never forget this. So try to be the best possible role model, all the time.

Here are a few tips, but this list is not exhaustive:

  1. Work hard at what you do, whether paid or unpaid
  2. Be nice to people , even if they irritate you
  3. Be kind and polite to everyone you meet
  4. Be tolerant of other people’s differences with you
  5. Always help others if you are able to
  6. Never be aggressive, nasty or violent
  7. Be a good citizen, and respect the laws of the country
  8. Be a good listener, give your time to people you meet
  9. If you haven’t got anything nice to say about someone, then don’t say it all
Wouldn’t you like your child to do all these things, I certainly would? It’s not easy, but it is possible. You just have to remember to be a good role model to your child.

 

 

How do you make sure you get your point across in a heated exchange with your teenage child? Use a Drinks mat!

One of the perennial problems you will come across with your teenage child is being listened to in an argument. Your child will have the same problem with you. Neither one of you is listening to what the other one is saying as emotions are so high, and you believe you are in the right.

There is a way that both of you can say exactly what you want to, and also be forced to listen to what the other one is saying. It is a simple thing to introduce, and involves a drinks coaster. Keep one of these in every room, so that whenever a dispute crops up, you are both able to reach for it.

It works with the following rules. If you have the coaster in your hand, you can keep talking for as long as you want, and the other person is obliged to listen until you have finished. Once one has finished, the coaster is handed to the other person who can do the same.

The very fact of passing the coaster ends up decreasing the tension, as both of you know you are being heard and getting your point across. It also ends up improving your communication together, which is a major challenge with teenagers.

This tip also works with younger children, and can be introduced at an earlier age, as soon as you feel tensions increasing with your child on certain subjects.

Does your Child stay in his room when guests come to your house? It doesn’t have to be like that.

What do your children do when people come to your home? Do they always come and say Hello? This is something you should introduce to their lives from a very early age. When they are about 4 or 5 years old. By doing this, it will develop their social skills from a very young age. These skills will then come in very handy when they are older.

Every time somebody visits you, before you answer the door, remind your children that they need to stop what they are doing and come and say Hello. Once they are used to doing this, it will become instinctive for them to come and greet your visitors. Not only will this promote good manners, but it will make your guests feel welcome by all the family.

It will encourage your children to be more outward going as they grow up, and it will help them with their communication skills. This will benefit them hugely when they get older, and other people will form a good impression of them. This may help with job interviews or career contacts in the future. It will also make people value the interaction they have with your child.