No conversation is a bad conversation with your child. The discussion may not always be comfortable, and you may be embarrassed to use certain words in front of them. Nevertheless, the fact that you are talking so openly with each other, however awkward it feels, it is a good conversation to have.
Don’t be afraid to discuss with your children such topics as your daughters first period, or when they should start having sex. No subject should be taboo, particularly for a father. You are just as important to them as their mother, so it is right that everything can be discussed and spoken about with both of you.
Choose your moment to start the conversation, for example, at supper when you are all relaxed, or just chatting in the kitchen. Relate your own experiences to your child, as it will make you more normal and show her that you know what you are talking about.
By doing this, you will ensure that no barriers to communication are ever put up between you. This is very important, and you will see that during the teenage years, when there is so much self doubt going on in your child’s head, you become an even better Father to them.
The more open the communication between you and your children, the higher the quality of relationship you will have with them. It will then be even more enjoyable for you both. It will also give you more credibility with them, as they get older.
When your child is a Toddler you will know how often tantrums occur, and sometimes at the worst possible moments. These can be very inconvenient as you know. So when it happens don’t be afraid to call their Bluff!
When my son was throwing a tantrum and refused to listen to reason and kept saying “I’m leaving home, I hate this house!” (Of course he didn’t mean it), I had to find a strategy that could calm everything down. He was three years old at the time and kept saying “I don’t want to live here any more”.
I picked him up and escorted him to his bedroom, and found his little suitcase, and started packing it for him, telling him what he would need when he left home. Gradually he calmed down as he watched me packing his bag for him.
I then walked him to the front door and opened it, put his suitcase outside and said “there you go, good luck!” He became more and more sheepish as the episode unfolded, and as he stood in the doorway, the tantrum was completely forgotten about, he then apologised and said he didn’t really want to go.
He was very well behaved for many weeks after that, and when he threw a tantrum again, I only had to remind him that I would go and get his suitcase, and he calmed down immediately.
Of course you and your partner want that extra hour of sleep in the morning when your child is a Toddler. Well this really works, and is a very simple tip. If you do this as soon as your child goes into his/her own room, it will make your mornings a dream, and literally so.
Every night once your child is asleep in their cot (which they may be able to climb out of) or their bed, go into their room and remove all the toys which are currently there, and replace them with some different ones. Of course the room must have a gate on it to keep your child in when he/she wakes up in the morning.
As soon as your child is awake, instead of calling out for you or even crying or screaming, they will find new toys which they haven’t played with for a while, in their room. This will immediately catch their eye, and they will forget about waking you up, but instead be engrossed in playing with their new found toys.
This really works, please try it and see what happens, and let me know your experiences. I would love to hear from you.
If your child asks you a question, it is because it is important to them at that particular moment and they need an answer from you. As it is important to them, you must listen carefully to what your child is saying and then give them an honest answer.
How many times have you heard your children say “You never listen to me”, particularly when they are teenagers. Well you can help avoid this frustration in those later years, by starting early. Always make the effort to stop what you are doing and listen to your child and then answer them.
Of course your answer has to be appropriate for their age, but don’t make the mistake of lying to them. It is very important that you are always honest with your children. They need to know what really goes on in the world they are living in.
By always responding to your child’s question, you will be letting them know that their contribution to the family is valued and important, and this will pay enormous dividends when they get older.
It will also convey the subliminal message to them that they need to listen to you when you ask them a question. The dynamics in your family will improve and you will have a much more harmonious family unit as a result.
If you become a great Dad, you will definitely have a better sex life. Your children can mean sex with your partner gets forgotten about, or in the best case, becomes an after thought. You don’t have to let that happen.
There is nothing more attractive to a Mum, than a great Dad. She had children with you because you are really special to her, so now you can prove it with your children. You can give her relief from the constant demands of your children, so she can spend more time on herself and more time on you.
It’s a bit like dominoes. You spend time on the children…….. she spends time on you….. you feel great! She does as well. Your children love you…..your partner loves you…… Everyone is a winner!
When you get in from your days work, immediately take over managing your children. It will take your mind off your work and will relax you. Your partner will then relax, your children will relax, and you will have a great time once your children have gone to bed. It really works…… trust me, I know.
You are a Dad, so tell me if this works for you. I am sure it will!
I’m sure that you have wondered about what happened today to your child. Why is he/she so quiet this evening? Why whenever you ask “how was your day?”, he/she says “fine”, and that’s the end of it! And it doesn’t matter what age your children are…….
I always thought this was a serious problem to solve, and I believe I have done this. It will definitely work for you with your children. This strategy helped me hugely when my children were younger, and it can help you. If you start right when your child is very young, it will continue to work for you as your child gets older and into the teenage years.
To start, you need to be very disciplined and encourage your child to participate. Every supper time when you all sit down together, play “Best and Worst”. This is when you all describe to the other family members the best part of your day and also the worst. Everyone is relaxed, so everyone is happy to do this, including you as their Dad.
While you all sit together, there is a captive audience, and you will be amazed at what you learn. I learnt about bullying at school, and my children learnt about what happened at my work. Your children are eager to know what you do, and love sharing with you what they do with you. Try it, and see what happens, and let me know what unexpected things you learn.
Your children will enrich your life so much if you really want them to. They don’t have to be a burden financially or emotionally, in fact your children should be an inspiration. Give your child attention, love, encouragement and a challenge, and you will both become emotionally rich together.
You as a father can be as close to your children as their mother. They need you just as much as they need her. You just need to know how to be really close to them. So give them time, always try to be available for them, it is the most precious gift you can give your child, and you will see they will respond to you in an amazing way.
Don’t be afraid to do things with them. You will see the wonder in their eyes and the pure joy as you give them a ride around your living room, on your back, with you on all fours.
They will love it, they will love you, and they will remember that precious moment, and many others like that with you, for many years to come. When your child is only a Toddler you will already be amassing the emotional riches together, just by giving them your time and attention.
I am starting this blog, because for me the role of father is the most important one you will ever have to play in your entire life. It is more important than any paid job you will ever do.
I have three lovely children who are grown up now, and in this blog I would like to share my experiences with you as a Dad. I don’t profess to have all the answers, but I have found, through practical experience, a lot of strategies and can describe anecdotes that can help get you through difficult and tense situations, and that really work.
These have got me through some very tough and frustrating times with my children and hopefully they can provide you with inspiration and options with your own children. It is possible for you to come out at the end of the journey (if indeed there is ever an end to the journey of Fatherhood), when your children have grown up, and you can say to yourself “I did it”.
You will then be able to answer the title question and say, ” I know why I had children”. I would love to hear your ideas, and what strategies you have used to get you through a challenging situation with your child.